I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
