My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The air taste purple.
Randomize