I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
