U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
