im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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