I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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