Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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