Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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