My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
