Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
