He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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