so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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