I will die if light touches me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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