who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you traded sex for a burrito?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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