I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He shit in the fireplace
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
