I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
