I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
