Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
