there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
