I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize