you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
