No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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