Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
