john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
