my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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