nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
