I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
