when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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