he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
