you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
