I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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