I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
