I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
