i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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