I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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