so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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