I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize