So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
