The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
