So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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