After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
