just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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