It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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