a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
