Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
soo... how was my night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
