also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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