I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
