why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
