In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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