two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
