Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
