If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
