I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize