if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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