Four minutes until I can fart!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
tell me about the fingering
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