last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
