I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
