the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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