Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
