so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
