Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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