I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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