I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
