my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I smell like Dick and happiness
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
