I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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